Tag Archives: being broke

The Broke Girl’s Guide to Foodshopping

GarlicGrilledCheese1As an almost 30-year-old single woman with a laughable checking account balance and no culinary skill what-so-ever, my cooking abilities are sorely limited. Usually, my main food groups consist of Lean Cuisine, Diet Coke and cereal. If you’re broke and starving, here’s the perfect grocery list for you. I’ve also included no-hassle recipes for those who are also guilty of poisoning 10 of their closest friends at a dinner party.

Your List:

4 cans of soup

Grapes

1 lb. ground beef

Butter

Milk

4 apples

4 bananas

3 boxes of generic cereal

Sliced whole wheat bread

Taco kit (w/ shells)

Orange Juice

Coffee

Block of cheese of your choosing

Chocolate

1 jar of peanut butter the size of a Rottweiler

Meals for One:

Tacos with slices of cheese (minus hot sauce, lettuce, tomatoes, and any other fancy garnish that’d drain your meager bank account)

Cheese sandwich

Cheese and bacon sandwich

Cheese and taco sandwich

Bowl of cereal with one kind of cereal

Bowl of cereal with THREE kinds of cereal

Cereal in handfuls

Soup with bread and butter

Soup without bread

Soup with grilled cheese

Coffee

Coffee w/ milk

PB sandwich

PB and Banana sandwich

PB & Apple sandwich

PB & Grape sandwich

Grapes and cheese fruit platter

Apple and cheese fruit platter

Grilled cheese

Grilled cheese w/ bacon

Chocolate, alone, just like you are

Face Eating Tumors, Heat Waves, and Baby Pools

So you’re probably heard about that awful, awful heat wave that has gripped the east coast for the last week or so. It’s kind of what I’d imagine Afghanistan to feel like this time of year.

And through it all, I’ve been too poor to afford air conditioning. Actually, let me rephrase that. I have a window a/c unit, but unfortunately I only have two windows in my apartment and they’re both calked shut. I’ve been so desperate for cool air that I actually filled my bathtub up with ice and sat in it. Sad, I know…

On top of the suppressive heat, I’ve been scared that I have some kind of tumor growing inside of my cheek. I made the mistake of watching a marathon about bizarre medical conditions on TLC last week and now I’m paranoid that I’m suffering from every last one of them.

There really isn’t any reason I’m posting this info. The bottom line is I need health insurance. I also really miss air conditioning. I do have a baby pool that I plan on inflating tomorrow. But I need an air pump. Or a large man with a lung capacity the size of Texas.